I was sitting in the barn Thursday morning, Stoney in the wash bay and I sitting on an upside down bucket as I soaked his foot after his morning hack. He was still a bit lame from his incident with his shoe from the week before. As I was fiddling with my phone, I got a call from Mom. It was quite unusual to hear from her this early in the morning, especially since she knew I was working. Since I wasn't doing anything but making sure my horse stayed still, I answered. What she told me next was the last thing I ever expected to hear.
I never thought that when I unloaded my childhood horse from the trailer this mid July it would be the last time I would lay eyes on her. The thought never crossed my mind. Although there was not a set time as to when the lease would be up and I would ask for my horse again I was sure she would be there on Cassie's farm until I was ready to take her back. In my mind, I still had another ten years to call this horse mine.
As my mother began to tell me of the events that took place the night before, I just buried my face in my hand, trying to keep some composure (a wasted effort). Stoney could tell something was wrong, and he began to bury his face in me, almost as if to say, "Why are you sad? I'm perfectly fine. See?" He was quite persistent in letting me know that he would be alright and that he didn't understand what the big deal was.
With our busy barn, it didn't take long for someone to notice my break down. Kaitlynn had brought Billy and Tatham up because they were next for us to ride. It was then that she noticed I was sort of having a complete breakdown, even with me trying to be discrete. She came over and squatted down in front of me, giving me a huge hug. No one at the barn could understand what I was going through better than she could, that's for sure. She had the same experience only a year ago.
Finally, Stoney's twenty minutes was up, and I took him back to his stall. By this point, Kaitlynn had made her way into the tack room and had told Nat what was going on, and she met me over at his stall with a huge hug as well. Being Nat, she always has to make you laugh, no matter how terrible a situation is. Lately in the barn, we have a knew phrase being used when a horse comes up from the pasture and has managed to bang themselves up. It's called "pulling a Stoney." Yes, this is quite sad, I know. So when she said, "I have no choice but to say something cruel and make you laugh at a time like this," telling me "[my mare had] pulled the ultimate Stoney," I couldn't do anything but laugh through my tears. Only Nat could get a laugh out of me at a time like that. That woman amazes me. She let me go inside for the rest of the morning, and I was thankful to be in a place where I had people around me who were understanding of such a situation.
For those who do not know, Raven somehow managed to break her right back leg above the hock. Cassie and her family had gone off to her son's baseball game that evening, having seen Raven perfectly content before they left. When she got back and went out to feed everyone, Raven did not come up like she usually did. Cassie went out searching for her and found her standing beneath a tree, looking quite normal as she stood still eating grass. It wasn't until Cassie got closer that she realized her leg was broken, and it was turned inward in an abnormal way, showing there was nothing but flesh that was keeping it attached.
Thankfully, vertebrates release endorphins when experiencing pain as to create a since of well being (gotta love AP Biology), and according to my mother, it was quite evident when looking at Raven in the face that she could not feel much.
The vet, Dr. Pallone, arrived only a few short minutes after my mother, and it did not take long for them to make the decision that she needed to be euthanized.
Pallone said that with a break above the hock, there is absolutely nothing that can be done to repair it. The well known race horse, Barbaro, had a similar break above the hock, his not being nearly as bad as Raven's. His owners had all the money in the world to put into him, and after his hind end being in a sling for months and many other problems arising, still nothing could be done to help him.
Pallone was positive that no horse, not even the draft horses Cassie owns, could have kicked Raven and caused such a break. There were no signs of a kick, only scratches on the inside of her leg, showing signs that she might have fallen. He is sure that the only cause had to have been from the pressure of her own weight. With the bones of horses her age becoming quite fragile, it may not have caused much for her injury to occur. However, not knowing exactly what happened was and still is difficult to take in.
To have something or someone taken away from you long before you expect them to leave is one of the hardest things in life to bear. However, there will always be someone who can relate to your situation. Although I lost a great horse, I did not have to experience the heart wrenching pain others such as Ayron Young, Abbie Golden, and Kaitlynn Mosing have experienced. All of their horses were taken from them before their time as well, but these horses were there competitive horses and their futures. These girls were still spending countless hours in the saddle with their horses when they were tragically taken from them. These girls are ones my heart still reaches out for, for I can not fathom how they dealt with such things. I can only be grateful that I still have Stoney in my life.
Of course, there are always the thoughts of what people wish they had done differently. I wish I had spoiled Ray more with treats (although she did manage to tear open Stoney's bags on many occasions, eating them all), and I wish I had found time to take her out on more hacks. In the end though, I knew she was quite happy with the life and retirement I gave her.
Many have heard the quote, "all horses deserve, at least once in their lives, to be loved by a little girl." When thinking of this, I must say that Raven was quite a lucky horse. She was not loved by one, but three little girls throughout her life. There aren't many horses who are given that delightful experience.
I don't know how to even begin to describe how incredible of a horse this mare was. She was by far the greatest first horse a mother could have ever wanted for their daughter. Being only nine years old when she came into my life, she was my baby sitter, even at her young age of ten. Not once did this horse ever buck with me, nor did she have a mean bone in her body. She put up with just about anything, and she jumped her heart out for me until the intelligent horse knew that she was incapable of jumping any higher. There are so many fond memories I have of this horse, memories I will always have.
I must say, I cannot believe all the love and support I have been given by so many people. I have such caring people in my life, and I have absolutely no clue how I became so blessed.
Although I am experiencing a painful loss, I am not the only one who is filled with grief. Raven was just as much of Lindsey Petro's first horse as she was mine, and I can't thank her enough for giving me the opportunity to have Raven in my life. She was the most important horse in her life for quite a long time as well. My heart also goes out to Gracie, Cassie's daughter, who unfortunately did not get to experience Raven in her life for as long as Lindsey and I did. This eight year old girl was crazy over Raven and loved her from the moment she layed eyes on her. Cassie, as well, is in my thoughts. Although we have reassured her it was not her fault, she is still sick with guilt over it all. She was willing to do whatever it took to keep Raven alive, and I hold nothing against her, knowing she took great care of my horse.
My only regret I seem to have is that I was over a thousand miles away when Raven left me. To not be able to be one of the last people she saw when she left this earth is upsetting, but knowing my mother was able to be with her was the next best thing. I can't help but wish this had at least happened when I was back home and only fifteen miles away from her, but I know God had his own perfect time for her leaving. All that is left to do is accept it and be grateful for the memories and teachings that Raven left me. This mare blessed more than just me with her presence, and there is no doubt in my mind that she will forever be remembered by many.
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